38 things to do while 38

Upon turning 38 I decided I would set out to do 38 things I had either never done before or had not done in a very long time. This little exercise is intended to both challenge myself to step out of my comfort zone a bit and to actually do some things I have always wanted to do but havent got around to yet. In no particular order here are the 38 things I want to do while I am 38 years old:

1. Summit Mt. Hood

2. Try eating grasshoppers

3. Read 12 books

4. Go skinny dipping

5. Run a marathon

6. Meditate twice a week

7. See Crater Lake

8. Get 4 bers and 3 friends and ride one of those silly 4 person bikes
   on the waterfront.

9. Average 8 hours of sleep per night

10. Do 100 pushups in 5 min

11. Have sex in a public bathroom

12. Visit Barcelona

13. Learn Spanish

14. Eat nothing but homemade food for 7 days straight

15. Go to the Shakespeare Festival in Ashland, OR

16. Run 500 miles

17. Have 52 zero dollar days

18. Get promoted (or get a new job)

19. Kayak 250 miles

20. Go to a nude beach

21. See a Broadway musical that I have never seen before

22. Get season tickets for the Portland Timbers

23. Kayak from John's Landing to St. John's

24. Write 10 poems

25. Go to the horse races

26. Do shrooms

27. Visit St. Louis

28. Try Windsurfing in Hood River

29. Take a river tour on the Portland Spirit

30. See Pearl Jam in concert

31. Learn to brew beer

32. Visit Coos Bay

33. Try cross-country skiing

34. Try 100 different beers

35. Visit a city that I have never even heard of

36. Do an unassisted handstand

37. Learn to surf

38. Get a tattoo

flying on an airplane alone at 5 AM

Suddenly

I miss touching your hair

and kissing your forehead.

I miss the feel of you by my side

warmly pressed against me.

I miss the way I feel

when I look at you, unnoticed.

Without warning

hurtling through the morning darkness

I miss you.

E

I fell into another city

familiar and unknown

dark, tired, my unease

lingering but not shown

rounding the corner

the reason I am here

her silhouetted form

chases away my fear

eyes meet, we touch

a sudden flash, the rush

of a gentle explosion

my face warms in a flush

unexpected joy

the drugs are kicking in

the world waves goodbye

euphoria begins

I am a merry drunken fool

stumbling in the street

blurry ground beneath

my laughing dancing feet

passing strangers smile

amused and entertained

infected by my mirth

that cannot be contained

suspicious of my senses

I soon begin to feel

perhaps the lovely angel

holding my hand is real

and realize this feeling

consuming all of me

is no ordinary drug

but just one hit of E

1988

Our eyes met

in a crowd

through darkness

writhing bodies

loud music.

Hers bright

with youth

not innocence

but vitality

excitement

readiness.

Perhaps our height

drew our gaze together

perhaps

something else.

Over the wailing guitar

only a handful of words

spoken

but volumes

heard

She slid in front of me

moving to the music

gently pushing back

into me

lightly touched my hand

moving it

to her hip

I pulled her in

The nape of her neck

filling my nose

with her scent

her skin smooth

soft

on my lips.

Intoxicated

by cheap beer

and each other

we fell together

easily

knowingly

like familiar lovers.

the music

our friends

faded into the background

as we became aware

of nothing

but the present.

I unwrapped her delicate form

its beauty shining

even in the darkness

of my room

experienced it

in awe

indebted

as if an artist

had just revealed

their most sacred work.

I lavished adoration

with hands

lips

words.

Exhausted

wrapped in each other

drifting

into sleep

I implore her

embrace your youth

revel 

in your beauty

use it

without hesitation

or guilt

appreciate that

like this moment

it is perfect

and 

cannot last.

Next

I awake suddenly to a new day
the world at my feet
I squint at the bright sun
of the future
bask in the warm glow
of the present

I find little more alluring
than potential
The siren's song of the unkown
calls out to me
begging to be known
explored
experienced
felt

I flush at the prospect
of a new city
job
lover
exploding with endless possibilities
each more amazing
than the last

I find no solace
in knowing tomorrow
no comfort in safety
but feel fulfilled
alive
discovering the undiscovered
answering the question
what's next?

Paradise

I sit
in Paradise
warm wind
flowing
across my crimsoning skin
sound of waves
crashing
on the perfect beach
rhythmically massaging
my soul
Content.

And still
I think of you
and somehow feel
even more so.
Surrounded by barely clothed
beautiful women
I don't forget you
but instead
think of you more
wish that you were here
in their place
realize
I would gladly trade them all
for you
to be here
laying in the warm sun
smiling at me.

Blind sided
by this feeling
I barely know you
but I know
something
sets you apart
something
makes me not
want to look
further
makes me smile
thinking of you.

I could be wrong
about all of this
the path may lead
to nowhere
just as before.
But I can't
won't
be afraid
I have to try
to know.
Though it could
break my heart
it could be
Paradise.

You could be dead tomorrow

You could be dead tomorrow
I repeat this mantra
often
because I need to remember

I need to remember
the feeling that can only be known
when one tastes the
the cold cruelness
of imminent death
yet still lives

The first time
I felt it
at the icy steel end
of a shotgun barrel
like a flash
my fragile mortality
laid bare before me

But it was too fast
too traumatic
the memory
too painful
I could not remember

The second came slowly
like a death row inmate
desperately awaiting a pardon
for what seemed a lifetime
it arrived
not from a governor
but from cancer

And I remember
the feeling
was the same
as before

The feeling where
you realize
nothing else matters
but this moment
that the past no longer exists
and the future may never

The fear
of anything
everything
melts away
Blood rushes back into
your soul
white hot
and fierce

Your senses explode
into sharp focus
as the world opens up its secrets
anything
and everything
yours for the taking

It is at this moment
you know
you feel
with every aspect of your being
what it means
to be alive

You could be dead tomorrow
I need to remember
to stay alive
today

Next to you

I lay in your bed
awake before you
your head gently cradled
in my arm
as you lay next to me.
My eyes trace the profile
of your generous curves
moving from your dark lovely locks
along the nape of your neck
up to the soft white peak
of your small shoulder
down to the luscious valley
of your waist
lingering briefly
before eagerly sliding up
to the beckoning round fullness
of your hip
and finally falling down
the length of your leg.
I think of a million reasons
I shouldn't be here
with you
of all the differences
the seemingly vast chasm
separating
our souls
I wonder
what you see in me
when you know so little
of me
I imagine that you see
all that you found good
in every former lover
and none of what you found bad
and I know that you are wrong.
Then I remember
as I wrap myself around you
pulling you close
All of these thoughts mean nothing
as I cant deny
how I feel
waking up
when you're next to me
as if nothing else
even existed
let alone mattered
there is only
here
and now
this beautiful
timeless
moment.

Wonder Full

I sit defeated by this busy day
The computer monitor is sharp
Demanding
It is breaktime though
I pull out a grapefruit
Break the skin
Drift into it's citrus scent
Close my eyes
And see your smile

My lips curl in return
I open my eyes
Lean back in my chair
Peeling the fruit slowly
Remembering
The brush of my hand against yours
The shiver it granted you
As you looked up
Approvingly

Eyes shut
Our fingers slid between each other's
Easily finding their place
Intertwined
Hands held loosely; together
As we walked
A feeling washed over us both
So subtle but so felt
I couldn't even hear
What you said

Reality creeps back in
My eyes open reluctantly
And I stare at the shapes on my monitor
Blankly
I look down at my empty hand
Wondering
What you are doing
And thinking
And wearing

A slice of cool fruit
Against my lips
Biting into it
The tang is awash in my mouth
I sigh in delight
As it brings me back to you
And that first brush
Against your lips
So soft
So warm

The tingle that rushed over me
Tasting your kiss
That first time
Arresting my senses
Penetratingly sharp
Like the flooding
Bite of citrus
That makes me stop now
And savor
You

~TigressSky and Jeremy Tucker~

beautiful

My eyes open
slowly
whiskey's footprints
on my brain
foggy
dully aching
exhausted
tell tale signs
of a night
well spent
The shapes around me
transitioning
through blurry
into focus
I see you
lying next to me
a perfectly shaped
greek sculpture
I feel you
lying warmly
in my arms
The room
though dimly lit
by the rainy morning
made brighter
by your presence
The sheet
barely drapes across
your flawless naked form
In that moment
I am overwhelmed
and feel as though
nothing has ever been
more beautiful
Then a subtle sadness
seeps in
as I realize
that despite your beauty
affecting every interaction
of your life
for good
and bad
you have no idea
how beautiful
you really are
and could be

She & I

she and I
I and she
am I her
or am I me
is she she
or is she me
or
perhaps
her and I
as one
neither
her nor me
equal parts
I and she
together
we are
we

We all want something beautiful

We all want something beautiful
Someone
beautiful
Someone who
at a dinner party
years after you first fell in love
catches your eye
from across the room
while you are in the middle of a conversation
about the current presidential administration
makes you pause
excuse yourself
walk over to her
and whisper in her ear
subtly
discreetly
"My god, you are beautiful"
and mean it
And she knows
feels even
that you do.

New Girl

A painting hangs
far across the room
out of focus
radiating beauty
The blank spaces
filled in
with hope and desire
But with each step closer
each stone turned
the undiscovered
discovered
The page is gradually
written over
by the harsh poet
of reality
And the shiny
luscious
perfectly-shaped
fruit
tastes bitter
when finally
eaten